What Eds around, Eds around
by Legacy of the Phoenix
Summary: While executing a new scam, the Eds look to settle old scores with the Kankers, Kevin, and Sarah. Ed Edd n Eddy created by Danny Antonucci.


**A/N: I chose not to pursue the Triple E Trilogy because my heart wasn't in it. Sorry.**

* * *

The Eds stand before **Park n Flush** trailer park, unusually confident about this.

"Is all well, Eddy?" Edd cautiously asks.

"Yep! Antonucci ain't writin' this episode, so I'm clear as crystal!" Eddy eagerly motions for his friends to follow him.

CLANG! SQUEAK! HONK-HONK! GOBBLE! GOBBLE! MOO! The Kankers cause much damage in their own trailer as they frantically run from the Eds in fear, the trio of friends reattempting their failed reverse-psychology strategy.

"Where you goin, beautiful?!" Eddy zips in front of the trailer door to cut Lee off and show her a suggestive red dress. "Try this on first and then we'll go out!"

"Stuff it, shorty!" WOSH! WOSH! Lee fearfully grabs the dress and wraps Eddy like a mummy in it, but he only smiles.

"Quick! Mom's room!" Marie advises.

The sisters rush inside, barricade the door, and hide in the closet.

"Don't know how, but this is _definitely_ your fault, May!" Marie blames with a loud whisper.

"Like your lips are clean!" May retorts with an equally loud whisper.

"Shh!" Lee grabs her sisters' faces to silence them.

CLICK! The light suddenly turns on in the closet, revealing…

"Will you marry me?!" The Eds suddenly appear behind them with ring-boxes; Edd and Eddy have toy rings from a machine while Ed has a burning hot onion ring.

"AGH!" THOMP! THOMP! SQUEAK! ROOOO! BOMP! BOMP! The trailer wildly jumps up and down before it flips and spins around like a top.

* * *

A little later, the victorious Eds are at Eddy's house rinsing their mouths of Kanker saliva. While Edd simply brushes his teeth and uses mouthwash, Eddy scrubs his mouth and tongue with soap.

"How long now?" Eddy asks, being his usual impatient self.

"Approximately…" Edd suddenly reveals a watch that was not there before, "33 minutes."

"Got lots of time, then." Eddy remarks.

"To do what?" Edd asks genuinely curious.

Eddy and Edd glance in the backyard at Ed, who has not rinsed his mouth with the garden hose, but has drunk from it and has become inflated like a giant water balloon!

"To fix him." Eddy nods.

* * *

In the cul-de-sac, the kids are playing dodgeball. All activity stops when they hear,

"Come on!" Eddy bemoans.

"Oh, great!" Kevin utters sarcastically.

"Who invited the-" Sarah turns to find that even though she and her friends have heard Eddy's voice, he and his two friends are turned the other way, not paying any attention to them at all.

In truth, the Eds are close to a nearby sidewalk as they sit in lawn chairs in anticipation. Eddy has returned to his usual impatient demeanor in stark contrast to Edd while Ed remains silent, but uncharacteristically stoic.

"You said it was 33 minutes, Double D!" Eddy complains.

"And since then, only 29 minutes have expired." Edd replies.

"Close enough." Eddy rolls his eyes.

"Hey, guys! What's up?!" Jonny suddenly appears.

"Yes, never-have-money-enough Ed boys. Rolf was expecting you to unearth yet another scram." Rolf joins in.

"Not today, Rolf." Edd smiles.

"Yeah, right." Sarah scoffs in disbelief as Jimmy cowers behind her out of habitual caution.

"We know you dorks better than you know yourselves." Kevin cynically adds, "Whatever you're sittin' around for is just the start of you trying to ruin our game."

Eddy turns his head and retorts, "We don't care about your stupid game, chucklehead. We're waitin' on somethin'."

"Chucklehead?!" Kevin, angered by the insult, rolls up his sleeves and balls his fists up.

SQUEAK! Eddy gets out of the chair and uncharacteristically stands his ground before he balls his own fists up, shocking everyone. Even Kevin himself momentarily before he takes the first step,

"Kevin!" Nazz sternly steps in front of Kevin. "If you, like, don't like name-calling, don't start it in the first place."

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! A massive truck with a trailer arrives in the cul-de-sac, drawing all attention.

"They're here! They're here!" The Eds excitedly run up to the truck, forgetting all about the other kids.

CLATTER! SCREECH! The truck empties its load onto the three friends, burying them under a big pile of instant jawbreaker packs composed of different flavors. The truck leaves.

"Jawbreakers….sort of!" The Eds exclaim in excitement.

"I can't believe it either, buddy!" Jonny grins.

"I've only heard stories about instant jawbreakers, Sarah." Jimmy licks his lips.

"Big deal! Garage? Packed?" Kevin folds his arms unimpressed.

"You only got one flavor." Eddy points out. "The best, but not the only. Variety's the spice of life. Come on, boys! We got work to do!"

SCRONCH! They move the packs into a nearby rusty wagon.

"Ed!" Sarah shouts, her annoying voice piercing the air. "Gimme some of those! I haven't tried them!"

There is a brief silence before Ed turns around and utters, "Too bad."

All but Eddy and Edd are shocked by the older Ed's uncharacteristic boldness towards his rotten, overbearing sister.

"Whoa." Kevin remarks.

"What?!" Sarah clinches her fists and teeth in a rage.

Ed, unintimidated, mocks, "Oh, wait! Lemme do it for you! Gimme some or I'm gonna tell Mom! Whah! Whah! Whah!"

"Rrrrrrrggggh!" Sarah turns red and snorts steam before she dashes at her brother.

CROCH! SLAM! Ed casually stops her in mid-air before he violently slams her onto the pavement. His own face then becomes one of pure rage and seriousness as he gets into his shell-shocked sister's face, "Take anything that's ours, say a word to Mom, and bother us ever again, and YOU'RE DOG MEAT!"

Flashing back to her brother's rage back when he kicked her and the other's out of their house, Sarah becomes immediately terrified of him and scoots behind Jimmy in cowardice.

"Atta-boy, Ed." Eddy coolly commends his friend before he repeats, "Let's go, boys."

"Oh, yeah?" Kevin folds his arms. "You just gonna keep all that to yourselves?"

"Doesn't feel good does it?" Eddy spitefully replies, referencing how they, except for Nazz, never invite them to play or do anything.

"Unlike you dorks, we don't wreck every party or thing we're at." Kevin points out.

"Yeah, well…two wrongs don't make a right." Eddy retorts and coldly adds, "Remember that next time…chucklehead."

The Eds depart, leaving an annoyed Kevin and his stupefied friends, the latter still in shock over Ed's sudden ability to stand up to Sarah.

* * *

That night, in the junkyard, the Eds have six rusty, but cleaned bathtubs full of one different flavor of jawbreakers and are working on the seventh. Ed pours the eight packs of jawbreaker mix in the tub before Eddy pours a bucket of water inside. Edd places a large, protective dome over the tub before,

RUMBLE! POP! POP! POP! ERGGGH! NEIGH! At least a dozen classic jawbreakers pop up in the tub!

"Merchandise is ready to be sold, Eddy." Edd confirms.

"Sweet." Eddy greedily rubs his hands together.

"All right, big guy!" Eddy put his arm around Ed's shoulder. "If I know that mammoth-mouthed sister of yours, she's gonna think you're back to normal by tomorrow and is gonna start bossin' ya around again. Know what I say? Fat chance! Remember your pebble/shoe episode?"

"Clear as a pistol, Eddy!" Ed remarks with a smile, his earlier burst of bravery not being a testament of his lack of intellect.

* * *

The following morning, Ed sits on the same stump in the playground in **Little Ed Blue** with a similar grim, bitter facial expression.

"Ed!"

True to Eddy's prediction, as if yesterday was merely a fluke, a seemingly angry, tutu-wearing Sarah stomps her way into the playground with Jimmy in tow, intent on confronting Ed about something. She yells right in his face as she threateningly holds up one of his new model rockets,

"Mom's making me get back into ballet and you are gonna play with Jimmy or—MMM!"

SQUEAK! SHUNK! BANG! An aggravated Ed grabs his model and Sarah by her mouth before he violently stuffs her inside, making her legs stick out the thrusters and her head stick out the front.

"Jeepers, Sarah!" Jimmy rushes to his best friend to aid her.

Both children look back to Ed, whose scowl is even meaner than it was before. Frightened by his wrath, Sarah nudges her way out of the rocket and grabs Jimmy's hand, "Uh…l-l-let's go see if Nazz can play with you."

* * *

At Eddy's house, a crowd of silhouetted children hold up cash money in hand as he and Edd work tirelessly to sell their abundance of jawbreakers.

"Should've thought of this way, _way_ back!" Eddy remarks, already filling up three jars instead of the usual one.

"What, and ruin the plot?" Edd lightheartedly retorts.

* * *

The following day, Ed remains where he sits, but shakes his body to rid himself of the birds that keep landing on him. All the while, Sarah, again accompanied by Jimmy, reads a long list of her chores that she wants Ed to do, including dressing her dolls and setting up a picnic for her and Jimmy. She genuinely bets third time is the charm as far as her brother's behavior is concerned.

"Hey, stupidhead! I said, NOW!" Sarah mumbles "oh-no" when Ed again grabs her face AND stuffs the entire list into her mouth, making her head bloated!

SQUISH! ZZZZZZZZZZZ! He slams her ears before bits of paper fly out of her nose as if she is a human shredder!

Sarah quickly departs with Jimmy, still afraid but unwilling to give up, as she is pathologically used to getting what she wants, especially out of Ed.

* * *

Simultaneously, Eddy and Edd have a larger crowd than they did yesterday, which does not go unnoticed by an angry, jealous Kevin. In response, he takes out his slingshot and aims for one of the new money jars.

"Money won't buy _you_ happiness, dorkky." Kevin mumbles to himself.

PING! CLANG! Kevin fires, but Eddy anticipates this and deflects the pebble right back at his hated neighbor using a trashcan lid, knocking him on his feet.

"Chucklehead." Eddy laughs to himself.

"Erggh!" Kevin angrily springs to his feet, but becomes calm when Nazz steps in front of him, "You poor thing. Let me take care of that."

"Uh, thanks. That'd be choice." Kevin walks with Nazz inside his house, quickly forgetting about the Eds.

* * *

The following day, Ed remains on his stump yet again when Sarah and Jimmy arrive once more. Sarah has Ed tied up in chains, but he does not even register them. She waves her allowance in front of his face,

"Got my allowance again and you're going to get us some fudge and NOT jawbreakers, got it?!" Sarah shouts, but her brother only glares at her. "I can't hear-"

CRAK! CRINGLE! CLING! CLING! Ed casually breaks out of his chains and enhances his grimace towards his sister, "Grr!"

"J-Jimmy?!" Sarah backs away in fear.

"Run Sarah!" Jimmy urges.

CRUNCH! Ed grabs both children and crumples them up in a ball of chains!

RIP! WOSH! WOSH! WOSH! BAM! BAM! BAM! Ed then rips his stump out of the ground, spins the ball around, and makes Sarah and Jimmy hit their faces against the stump in his hand.

WHAM! Ed then knocks the ball of chains, and with it, the screaming Sarah and Jimmy, sky high as if it is a giant golf ball!

* * *

At Eddy's house, having sold the last of their jawbreakers, he and Edd count their funds at the kitchen table, having been too tired to do it after business closed last night.

"My! My!" Edd exclaims in delight, "$422.32."

"Told ya, Double D. Quality _and_ Quantity." Eddy loads the money into an extra-large jar and stands up, "Come on. Let's go get Ed."

As soon as both Eds exit out of the front door,

"Whoa!" CLANG! They narrowly duck in time to dodge the ball of chains thrown at them by an enraged Sarah; her red-faced fury terrorizing even Jimmy, who hides behind Eddy's trashcan. She snorts,

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU IDIOTS DID TO MY BROTHER, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO FIX HIM OR YOU'RE PULP! BOTH OF YOU!"

Kevin looks over his fence and watches with eagerness in the hopes that Sarah pummels both Eds, even taking out popcorn and a camera.

"Oh, my!" Edd hides behind Eddy, who displays uncharacteristic bravery.

"Why? So, you can go back to bossin him around? Yeah, right." Eddy taunts, "Stupid spoiled brat."

"ERRRRRAAGGGGGGGH!" Sarah beelines towards the two Eds, Edd being frightened while Eddy snaps his fingers.

CROCH! Lee appears out of nowhere and casually catches Sarah in mid-air.

The younger redhead immediately cools off and displays fear, knowing that no matter how furious she gets, she will never match a Kanker's strength and ruthlessness.

"We aim to please…our end of the deal!" Lee remarks, having struck a bargain with the Eds earlier in the week; if they agreed to back off of harassing them, they would call off their reverse-psychology attacks and provide them with three people to do their chores for them.

"Look, who I found!" May, holding Jimmy up by his underwear, arrives.

"That's two." Marie points out. "Where's the charm?"

"Right there." Eddy points to an onlooking Kevin.

"What?!" Kevin, fearful, drops everything in his hands and makes a run for his house,

"Oh, no you don't!" SWIPE! Marie stretches her arm over the fence and drags Kevin over it.

Eddy walks up to Jimmy and smugly whispers, "Don't mess with the best…sucker."

Jimmy immediately remembers these words as he is dragged off of Eddy's lawn with a screaming Sarah and a sweating Kevin.

"Nice work there, Pacino." Eddy compliments Edd.

"Thank you, Eddy." Edd clears his throat in calmness, never having actually been scared of Sarah's wrath.

* * *

Later that day, all three Eds throw a party in Eddy's backyard with Nazz, Jonny, Rolf, and several silhouetted kids in attendance.

Some are annoyed when Ed drinks the entire punch bowl, spilling some on his face and discoloring it. Anticipating this, Edd brings out a new bowl of punch.

Eddy confidently chats up Nazz, "Likin' the party?"

"Totally." Nazz replies. "But dude, half the people we know aren't here."

"I invited them, but…they were busy." Eddy smugly remarks.

* * *

At Park n Flush, Jimmy is forced to wear a pink apron as he washes dishes, Sarah is forced to do the Kankers' dirty laundry, and Kevin is forced to remain shirtless as he constantly brings cold drinks to the three sisters, who relax on lawn beds.

"Thanks, hotshot." Lee holds up lotion and demands, "Now…the feet."

Kevin looks at Lee's repulsive feet in disgust before he bellows in a rage, "DOOORRRRKKKS!"


End file.
